I am a mama to four children, nearly five. I have faced challenges and I have fought hard. I’ve walked through tough seasons and I’ve come out the other side only stronger. I’ve got this, right?
I am afraid, my confidence continually waning. I can NOT do any of this life in my own strength. I am stretched beyond my own capabilities. There is so much of this journey that is unknown. Adoption is an uncharted territory. The road ahead marked with challenges, all out of my control and beyond any prior experience.
I want to box myself in, trying with every bit of my might to hold all the pieces together. The more I hold tight, the more it seems that all the pieces fall apart, crumbling at my feet. I can live in an altered reality, with a false sense of control. Trying to perceive the bigger picture, an author of my own story.
The reality seems harsh, hard to swallow whole. I am NOT in control. Not able to know with any certainty what lies ahead. Not for my biological children and not for Hope. Not for myself or those that I love. It’s the nature of this fallen world.
Even so, we all have something greater, something bigger to place our trust in. A hope that does not fail, will not disappoint. This hope that knows the future and holds every piece together. This hope is not found in something but in someone, this someone is the ONLY ONE. Our one and only hope, JESUS. He binds up all our broken pieces and gives us moment by moment strength. He holds us and keeps us secure in the palm of His scarred hands.
Lord Jesus, It takes too much unnecessary energy to try to control my circumstances. Your plans do not fit in tidy organized boxes, they can not be contained. Your plans are bigger and better than all this world can ever offer me. Greater than anything I can imagine.
I come to you, open handed, letting go of any perceived control. In you, I find strength for today. In you I am free, released from all that binds me in my tidy boxes. No more neat and organized rows, no more coloring within the lines. I want more. I want the uncontainable, unimaginable, mostly messy and unruly life of abundance.
I want you, Lord Jesus. Your love for me is uncontainable, your plans for me unimaginable. You hold together my messy and unruly life, offering immeasurably more than I can fathom.
This world has no grip on me, I give you control. You’ve got this and you will never let go!