“Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for.”
Louie Giglio, “Waiting Here For You”
I have been quiet and unable to put pen to paper for a few months now. I am not sure where to begin. How to express all that I am experiencing in the waiting. In some ways it feels too personal, too deep, too vulnerable, too tender. I feel closer to Jesus than ever before. I hunger and thirst for His word, waking each morning eagerly awaiting every morsel of goodness He has for me. His word like cool rain drops, quenching and replenishing my parched, weary soul. I can’t get enough, it is all I can do to truly feel alive.
This month marks 26 months of waiting for our daughter. The last six months has been the hardest. We completed our yearly home study and dossier update last month which has taken a huge burden off our shoulders. The paperwork process can be long and so tedious. This year seemed to drain me more because I did not think we would still be waiting.
Even though the wait has been long and seemingly silent, I am know that God is at work. He continues to reveal His presence in and through our adoption journey in countless ways. He has graciously supplied for our family every step of the way. I have no doubt that He is going before us, making a way. He is holding and hiding our daughter, safe in the palm of his hand. In His perfect time, I am confident that He will being her home to us.
This has been a season of digging in and fighting hard for God’s goodness and peace in my own heart and in our home. A season in which I have never felt more broken or reliant on Jesus.
Yet, it is in the breaking that my heart has become more pliable, more receptive.
God has become my strength and my portion. This time of waiting has not been wasted. It has been beneficial and refining. It has taught me what truly matters and that the best things in life are worth waiting long and fighting hard for.
My desire in the waiting is to cultivate a quiet heart. A heart that has been broken yet in the breaking has become more pliable, more receptive to the God who redeems. He is mighty to save, bringing forth life from death, beauty from ashes. This truth, it is enough. Enough to still and restore this restless, weary traveler.
He leads me onward, beside quiet waters. I am not sure where this unknown path will lead or what hardships we may face but I do know that His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Psalm 23:1-3, 6 NIV