The same weekend we were waiting for the medical review concerning a little girl with special needs, I was fortunate to be able to attend a clothing swap at a local church. It was so wonderful. There was a huge selection of gently used clothing for the whole family, all for free! I was able to get a few items for each child and practically a new wardrobe for myself. This a blessing for me as I was in desperate need of something other than stretched and worn yoga pants and tank tops. The result of a seven year season of varying degrees of pregnancy.
While looking through the children’s section, I found the sweetest little dress. Too small for my eight year old daughter but a possibility for the little one we were considering. It made my heart happy and do a little twirl. I thought to myself, “it’s free, why not.”
I felt a little silly after bringing the dress home. Just two days later, after receiving the medical review and deciding not to move forward in pursuing the adoption of this little one, I felt more than silly, I felt a heavy sadness. I tucked the dress away with some tears and regret. My head knew that God would bring our little girl to us but my heart was afraid, not yet able to pick up and move forward into the unknown again.
These last two weeks, I have felt God’s presence and comfort in new, almost tangible ways. In seeking after Him, in asking, “Who He is”, in all of this, I have found so much more. Sensing that I am only skimming the surface of His immense love.
A love that is so much deeper and wider than I am certain I will ever come to understand fully, this side of heaven.
No matter how deep I plunge, how far I fall, how great I fail, His love will cover me.
There is no place I will ever go that His love won’t find me.
When I am weak, He will strengthen me.
When I reach my limit, He will limitlessly provide.
Moving forward into the dark unknown, He will light the way.
When I am unable to go on, He will carry me.
I need not be afraid. His love is absent of all fear.
This love, moving mountains, parting seas, setting captives free.
The beginning of last week, I pulled out the little dress from where it was tucked away deep. I put it on a children’s hanger with a little note attached and I hung it on the wall in our front room for all to see.
Now, I know that it may not fit our little girl. It may be too small, too big or maybe, just maybe, the perfect fit. This factor does not really matter. For me, it is a tangible, visual reminder that His love is immense, stretching wide and reaching far beyond the depths of my own understanding.
His love has found her.
His love covers and carries her.
His great love will bring her home to us.
Soon, very soon, her frame fitting just right within my embrace.
By His hands created, fashioned perfectly for our family.
With divine expectation,
I await the day that I will witness
with wide eyed wonder,
in a pretty dress,
twirling, around and around,
arms stretched wide,
happy and free.