“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself,
“The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.””
Lamentations 3:21-24 NIV
This time of year, hope can be hard to find. When we do find it, it can seem hard to hold on to, a bit slippery. Hope can get lost in the hustle, the crammed holiday schedule, the food and gifts, the sticky relationships, the uncertainty of our current world. We may have regrets from years past, the yearning for that which remains unfulfilled or a void that can not be ignored. The ache of grief, cutting all the deeper with the coming festivities.
I know for me in the last few years of our adoption process, I have had to continually fight for hope. It has not come easy and during the holiday season it has been all the harder. The abundance of the holidays has only amplified our future daughter’s loss and lack. Our family is spending another Christmas waiting yet together. Having more than enough to share. While she spends another Christmas, waiting alone without a family. Nothing and no one to call her own. It breaks my heart yet I know it breaks God’s heart all the more.
So much so that He sent His Son Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us, to give us an eternal hope and future. Jesus has come for me, for you, for our daughter in Bulgaria and for the whole of this broken world. He made himself low, laying down His own life so that we could have abundant life.
Lately, I have been praying the blind man’s plea from Mark 10:46-52,
“Rabbi, I want to see.” (vs. 51)
I want to see Jesus in today. I want to see Him in my aching heart and my unfulfilled desires. In my brokenness, in those sticky relationships and the uncertainty of the future. I want to see Him in the sunrise, the crazy moments of my day, my child’s deep blue laughing eyes. I want to see Him in the ugly, the hard, the painful, the average, the long waiting and the breathtakingly beautiful.
This seeing, this is where hope is found. In seeing, I must slow to the rush that this season brings. Letting my heart and mind settle, being honest and open with my own weakness. Allowing His presence to wash over me so that deep down I will truly know that He is always a breath away. He is with me. He is my strength, my portion. In my waiting, He remains faithful and continues to remind me of His provisions. His day in and day out mercy. This mercy that is always new, never failing.
In this advent season, I am putting pen to paper. Slowing and simplifying my days. Taking time to reflect on all the big and small ways that I see Jesus. Advent means to prepare for Jesus’ coming. I will use this space to prepare my heart, giving words to my restless undercurrent. Each week, focusing on one of the four candles of the advent wreath, Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. My desire is to challenge myself, looking beyond my own circumstances, beyond my own soul clutter. Seeking hard after the eternal hope that can only be found in Jesus.
With wide eyed hope, I wait.
I invite you to pray with me,
“Rabbi, I want to see”.
Be prepared to be amazed!
[Photo credit: magicallightphotography.com]