Magnolia Heart

Uncovering Beauty, Embracing Brokenness, Discovering Joy.

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Ladybug Love

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This weekend my husband was out mowing our front yard. My youngest son, now six and growing like a weed came running to me crying in a panic.

“Mommy, Daddy is killing all the ladybugs!”

He was beside himself. I tried my best to remain serious and to confidently reassure him that it will be okay.

“Buddy, God made ladybugs smart. They will hear the lawnmower and they will fly to safety.”

He hugged me and His body relaxed into mine. Even still, he then preceded to peer out the window, watching with a protective eye. His love fierce for “his” ladybugs.

Our family began praying Ladybug Prayers more than two years ago, first prompted by our youngest. Every time we spotted a ladybug he would remind us to pray for sister in Bulgaria. This sweet tradition still lives on strong in our home today. The ladybug has become a symbol of hope and love as we continue to eagerly await our littlest one.

God has a keen sense of humor and He loves to make us smile. Ladybugs show up in the most random places in our home. On the windowsill while I’m washing dishes, in the bathtub before taking a shower, everywhere in our yard and by the thousands at our favorite neighborhood park. Not only in the spring but at all times of the year. These are just a handful of examples of how God continues to reassure us of His love and build our faith in this time of waiting. Giving us hope for tomorrow, strength and courage for all that He has for us today.

Adoption Update:

We have experienced God’s goodness and can testify to His faithfulness every step of the way. This path has not been easy, the journey long and the valleys low and full of uncertainty. Even so, we know Him to be sovereign, His timing perfect. We trust that He has our girl. The one special someone whom He has planned for our family since the beginning of time. We believe that the wait has been longer than anticipated because for whatever reason our daughter is not ready yet. This time has not been wasted. He is preparing her heart as He continues to prepare ours.

This journey has changed us. Personally, God has taught me the depths of His sustaining grace and unfathomable love. I have experienced His healing touch and continual restoration in ways that I could not have known otherwise. He has taught my heart the true meaning of hope. A hope that is rooted in the redemptive power of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He is bringing forth life from death, beauty from brokenness. He is at work, making all things new. I have come to understand more fully the small yet significant part I play in the unfolding of His story.

In our marriage and as family we have grown closer, our bonds stronger. We have witnessed our children maturing in years and in stature as well as in love and strength of character. I am amazed at how God has moved in and through our lives in the past four years of waiting. We long for our little girl yet we are grateful for this time of waiting under His wings of love. We are better for it.

This last week we sent our annual dossier update off to Bulgaria. A huge burden feels like it has been lifted from our shoulders. After completing a few important revisions, we remain hopeful that this will be our year. We ask that you would keep our family in your prayers.

Just as ladybugs remind our family to remain persistent and hopeful in prayer, we have created a sweet reminder for all of you. A Ladybug Prayers printable. Our hope is that you will place this printable in a prominent location and pray for our family’s needs as you feel lead. We need a village on this journey and you are each an invaluable part of our village. We are ever grateful for your continued love, support and prayers.

Download a 5×7 JPG to print

Download a PDF to print at home

Embracing the Journey

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“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you.””
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭28:15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

In this extended season of waiting there has been a letting go, a slow surrendering of my own plans and expectations. A releasing of my own will and an embracing of His sovereign plan. In the unknown and the not yet, I am choosing to believe that God is bigger and more powerful than I can fully understand. Trusting that His plans, purpose and timeline far exceed my own.

No matter the circumstances, the ease or difficulty of the journey ahead, God’s character never changes. He is merciful and He is faithful, even when others are not and even when I am not. He is not only good but He is good to me. When I fail and lose my footing, which is often, His grace catches me, His love surrounds me. No matter what today holds, what twists and turns this journey brings, His presence is with me.

Lord Jesus, give me the courage to live open handed to all that you have in store for me and my family. Release me from all that encumbers, entangles and enslaves me. Pushing back the dark, I step into your light. I embrace with hope and expectation, the here and now, the in between and the not yet road ahead.

You are with me through it all. You are my eternal hope, my firm footing, my constant cover. You go before me, preparing the way. You are my portion, my everything. You provide everything I need. In You, I lack nothing good. You will never leave me. I am Yours and I am held. Secure in Your embrace.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭121:1-8‬ ‭NIV

Star of Hope

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“Hope does not ask when the darkness will end. Hope wonders when the light will begin.”
-Susan Squellati Florence

Star of Hope, rising high, piecing the dark sky.

Star of Hope, brilliant and bright, illuminating the blackest night.

Star of Hope, for all to see, an invitation from the King.

Star of Hope, blazing bright for you and me.

Star of Hope, coming down to save and free.

Star of Hope, pointing onward, drawing near.

Star of Hope, Immanuel, Do Not Fear.

Star of Hope, Love wrapped warm, waiting here.

Jesus, our Morning Star, long expectant hope.

Jesus, rising light, pierced for our darkest night.

Jesus, brilliant and bright, here to stay, illuminating our way.

Jesus waiting here in this empty space, in the long expectant ache.

Jesus, beacon of hope, light of life, pointing onward, ever near.

“We have even greater confidence in the message proclaimed by the prophets. You must pay close attention to what they wrote, for their words are like a lamp shining in a dark place—until the Day dawns, and Christ the Morning Star shines in your hearts.”
‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭1:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Hope in the Broken

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“I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God.” -Elisabeth Elliot

I planted fifty daffodil bulbs on a cool November afternoon. On hands and knees, digging into rocky soil, I dug fifty holes. The soil at times, hard and unrelenting. Still I persistently dug. This digging felt therapeutic. The rhythmic motion, the labor of the task, the dirt and grim under my nails and in the creases of my hands, a healing balm of sorts. I was relating to this breaking earth because I too felt broken.

This last month of our adoption journey has broken me in ways that I did not anticipate. Ways that have left me feeling crushed, raw and aching. My heart has broken wider for that which breaks His heart. In this freshly broken place, I have become more reliant, more pliable to the loving care and tending of my Father’s hands. I have come to understand His love for all His beloved children at a deeper level. The broken places have ushered in a love that seeps deeper and runs wider.

As I broke earth and dug deep, I heard Him softly speaking, “My daughter, it is in the breaking that abundant life begins. Hope will emerge from the darkness. Joy will rise from the sorrow. You must first know brokenness, to experience the wholeness of My love.”

A picture of Jesus came to mind. How He loved the broken and healed their wounds. How He sat with, walked with and broke bread with the unclean and the outcasts. He got His hands dirty and His heart broke for all the brokenness of this world.

If that was not enough, He then gave up His own life. Breaking for you, for me, for the whole of this hard and unrelenting world. He broke so that we could have life. So we could be made new, experiencing the joy of His presence even in our deepest sorrow. In His breaking, we can now freely know the wholeness of the Father’s love.

Yet the story does not end in the breaking, this is only where the story begins. After He was beaten and broken to the point of being unrecognizable, Jesus lay in a dark tomb. All hope seemed lost. Yet after three days, hope emerged and joy rose. Jesus conquered death, sorrow and brokenness once and for all. Jesus is alive!

I let this reassurance seep in as I placed the onion like bulbs into deep holes and gently packed soft, moist soil around each one. One by one, I prayed as I planted. Prayed that in this rough rocky soil, life would begin. That roots would run deep and a sprout would begin to grow, strong and healthy. I prayed that in the darkness, in the waiting, the hope of life would break free, emerging, rising up tall, reaching for the sun. I prayed that in rising tall and sure, a bud would form. Blooming beautiful, the yellow face of joy shining bright in the glory of His splendor.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61:1b-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Unwavering Hope

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“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭4:20-21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For four long years, I waited for my husband. Four years of not dating and standing by each one of my close friends as one by one they found love and married. In this waiting, I filled journal after journal with prayer after prayer asking God to provide a husband for me. Seeking hard after His will, not my own. Drawing near to Jesus in this barren place. This place that many times felt uncertain and hopeless.

As time went on and the waiting continued, I began to find hope in this barren place. God was tangibly near. My prayers slowly changed to expectant prayers. I poured out my deep desires, my hopes and dreams, for my future husband. I began to pray for Him as if He were somewhere out there, also waiting for me.

With unwavering hope, I waited for the man God had chosen for me. Soon after Christmas, a few weeks after being yet another bridesmaid, I unexpectedly met my husband at a holiday dinner out with friends. It was winter break, smack dab in the middle of my last year of nursing school. I knew from our first meeting that God had brought someone special into my life.

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Hidden Hope

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“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm‬ ‭32:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Our chickens began laying eggs a few weeks ago. The first egg caught us all by surprise. We did not anticipate eggs for a couple more months. One morning, I noticed our biggest hen, Lily acting somewhat peculiar. She was much more vocal and pacing back and forth from the coup to the run. I peeked inside the coup and hidden in the pine shavings, lay a beautiful brown egg.

Since than, each day one child or another will go out back to the coup with hope-filled anticipation to find one or two light to dark brown or even a pale green egg (from Tulip our Americana, AKA our “Easter egger”), hidden in a nesting box. Each time, we still find ourselves pleasantly surprised. Each egg is celebrated, gently cupped and carried inside with reverence. I am sure the excitement will wane over time. Although I do hope a spark of joy and a glimmer of hope remains in the finding and receiving of this small yet rich gift.

Our growing supply of fresh eggs is a daily reminder for me to look for rich gifts from God found in hidden places. In the nooks and crannies of a hectic morning, an average afternoon and the mundane daily tasks and errands. Between the rock and the hard place in relationships. In the waiting for day break and in the dark and restless nights. Evidence of His love surrounds us. His hope hiding in the most unlikely places.

With fresh eyes, I am beginning to see a hope that is invisible to the unaware eye. Between the rock and the hard place of waiting, my heart is adjusting to a new way of seeing. I am paying closer attention, becoming more aware of God’s finger prints, His gentle whispers and His hidden love notes that constantly surrounded us. His love and tender care, tucked in every nook and cranny of our life.

My heart yearns every day for our daughter in Bulgaria. I often wonder when our wait will end and we will finally welcome our long hoped for child home. Even so, I am finding peace, my hope resting more and more in Jesus. Just as he surrounds and covers me, I know He is doing the same for our daughter. He hides her in His love. She is seen and known by her Maker. Her Heavenly Father has not forgotten nor forsaken her.

On an average, unsuspecting day, our hopes will come to fruition. We will finally receive the long awaited phone call. Tucked in a long distance email, we will first lay eyes on our daughter. Beholding this rich gift with eyes that see beyond skin deep. Deep into a beautiful heart that was fearfully and wonderfully made for our family. Woven together in a secret, unseen place by the One who still sees, holds and carries her.

We wait, daily taking hold of this hidden, unseen hope. Placing our faith in the One who sees and holds our weary hearts. We trust that in His perfect time, He will cup her in His loving embrace and gently carry her home to us.

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans‬ ‭8:24-25‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Lord Jesus,
You never grow weary. You are with us in our everyday struggles, our brokenness and our battles. You are protecting us and providing for us in big, small and unseen ways. Every last detail is held and sifted through your loving hands.

Today, I will place my hope in you for you never change, never waver, never stop loving, never stop fighting for us. You are always faithful and you are making a way.

“Your Kingdom come. Your will be done.
On earth as it is in Heaven.”

“For Yours is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory, Forever, Amen.”
(Matt. 6:9-10; 6:13)

Additional verses that inspired this post:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” ‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:13-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him—”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.”
‭‭John‬ ‭14:16-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Thread of Hope: Prayer Six

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Child of God
Written August 25, 2015

“I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”‭‭
Isaiah‬ ‭49:16‬a NIV

I am a Child of God.
I have been redeemed.
I am no longer bond by fear.
I have been released, set free.

I flee from darkness.
Death as no grip on me.
I live into His truth, His light.
Opening my heart, I receive.

His Love is a Banner over me.
I claim His Victory.
I am His, He is mine.
I am a Child of God.

Lord, thank you for surrounding me with your love. You continually sing over me the truth of who I am. I am Yours.

I claim the beautiful power of these words, over my own life and my family. Do not allow fear to hinder us from becoming all that you have created us to be.

Even more so, I pray this for our future daughter. Break the chains that bind her, deliver her, bring her home. She will no longer be called orphan. She is Yours. May this song be her Anthem, Your Love her Banner. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Inspired by the song, “No Longer Slaves” by Jonathan and Melissa Hesler

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

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Thread of Hope: Prayer Five

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Be Still
Written August 4, 2015

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NIV‬

Lord, thank you for never giving up on us. For always fighting for us. For interceding continually on our behalf.

You are fighting and interceding on the behalf of my family and our future daughter. You are in control of every single detail, breaking through every last hurdle in our adoption process.

Jesus, still the restless undercurrent of my mama heart. Even in the quiet, uncertain waiting, you are at work in immeasurable ways. Your great love for our future daughter is powerful, parting the sea, making a way through the impossible.

Your LOVE will BRING her HOME.

In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

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