Adoption

Cultivating a Quiet Heart

March 12, 2017 by Heather Mitchell 4 Comments

“Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for.”
Louie Giglio, “Waiting Here For You”

I have been quiet and unable to put pen to paper for a few months now. I am not sure where to begin. How to express all that I am experiencing in the waiting. In some ways it feels too personal, too deep, too vulnerable, too tender. I feel closer to Jesus than ever before. I hunger and thirst for His word, waking each morning eagerly awaiting every morsel of goodness He has for me. His word like cool rain drops, quenching and replenishing my parched, weary soul. I can’t get enough, it is all I can do to truly feel alive.

This month marks 26 months of waiting for our daughter. The last six months has been the hardest. We completed our yearly home study and dossier update last month which has taken a huge burden off our shoulders. The paperwork process can be long and so tedious. This year seemed to drain me more because I did not think we would still be waiting.

Even though the wait has been long and seemingly silent, I am know that God is at work. He continues to reveal His presence in and through our adoption journey in countless ways. He has graciously supplied for our family every step of the way. I have no doubt that He is going before us, making a way. He is holding and hiding our daughter, safe in the palm of his hand. In His perfect time, I am confident that He will being her home to us.

This has been a season of digging in and fighting hard for God’s goodness and peace in my own heart and in our home. A season in which I have never felt more broken or reliant on Jesus.

Yet, it is in the breaking that my heart has become more pliable, more receptive.

God has become my strength and my portion. This time of waiting has not been wasted. It has been beneficial and refining. It has taught me what truly matters and that the best things in life are worth waiting long and fighting hard for.

My desire in the waiting is to cultivate a quiet heart. A heart that has been broken yet in the breaking has become more pliable, more receptive to the God who redeems. He is mighty to save, bringing forth life from death, beauty from ashes. This truth, it is enough. Enough to still and restore this restless, weary traveler.

He leads me onward, beside quiet waters. I am not sure where this unknown path will lead or what hardships we may face but I do know that His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭36:26‬

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭23:1-3, 6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I Will Sing: I Have This Hope

February 16, 2017 by Heather Mitchell 2 Comments

But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.””
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Lord, This is the verse that you first placed in my heart, several years ago. The verse that helped me to believe and fully grab hold of this call on my life, on my family’s future.

You have taught me about who you are at a much deeper level through our adoption journey. You have helped me to walk boldly into this calling to adopt yet at times my faith feels thin. I find myself afraid of the unknown and worn out from waiting.

Even so, I have this hope in the depths of my soul. I know that you are faithful and you provide richly and generously. Today, I trust that you are at work in immeasurable ways even though the wait is long and silent. You are making a way and I need only to be still and rest in the truth of who you are. To God be the glory for ever and ever, Amen.

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
Corrie Ten Boom

[Part of the I Will Sing series.]

I Will Sing: We Dance

January 17, 2017 by Heather Mitchell Leave a Comment

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.”

Psalm 37:4-7a NIV

Jesus, I am weary, my faith is tired. This waiting weighs heavy on me. Yet there is no need for me to struggle. You have already won this fight.

I am letting go.

I am surrendering.

I take your hand and we dance. We spin and my joy returns. In your arms, I am home.

In your arms, our daughter is home. You delight in her. You rejoice over her with singing. You are mighty to save! (Zephaniah 3:17)

In your arms, she is held and I am held. I wait for you, Lord. I will choose joy each day. I will seek your beauty. I will find delight in you.

Each day that we continue to wait, I will continue to put my trust in you. The day will come. Our heart’s desire will be fulfilled. On that day when our daughter comes home, your righteous reward will shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

Oh, happy day! Round and round we will spin, a happy dance!!

To God be the Glory forever, Amen.

[Part of the I Will Sing series.]

Beautifully Bold

September 28, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 1 Comment

I stand only knee deep, on the edge of more, on the brink of bold.

The horizon wide, the water deep, the waves uncertain.

I can see You just beyond the shore.

My heart races, my breathing quickens, my legs feel weak.

You call out, “Come”.

With my eyes fixed on You, I boldly go.

The waves begin to crash over me and I feel that I am sinking.

Yet, in an instant You have me.

I am Yours and in You, I am bold.

I am exactly where I need be,

I am beautifully in, over my head.

““Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:28-31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I am in a place where mere words can not fully express all of what I am inwardly experiencing through our adoption process. In the uncertain waiting, song has become my Thread of Hope. Stirring my stagnant heart and giving a voice to my wordless, restless groans. So, as we continue to wait for our fifth child, our sweet girl, I will lift up hands and heart and I Will Sing!

These two songs inspired this post,

Both songs have beautiful imagery. Each one, a powerful reminder that God is in my uncertain waiting. He goes before me and He will never leave me. He calms and quiets my restless, groaning heart. He strengthens me and He will sustain me, no matter what the future holds.

Today, my hope and prayer is that this post and these songs will uplift, inspire and encourage you as well.

In Him, we are beautifully bold!

I Will Sing: Steady Heart

September 19, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 1 Comment

“Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭43:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It is always the darkest before dawns first light. The waiting seems to have no end and at times my faith wavers and the darkness begins to permeate. I continue to push back the darkness, letting the truth of who God is and always has been illuminate one faith-filled step after another.

Our four year old loves coloring pictures of our home. He repeatedly draws our happy yellow house with big windows and a bright blue door. Home, it is the sweetest place. Yet right now for me, it feels bittersweet. There is a void that remains. A missing piece, a longing yet filled. I continue to have dreams of our future daughter, each one more vivid than the last. Each one revealing God’s graciousness in our waiting. Each one, leading me on, renewing my hope, giving me the strength to keep on going.

She is still so far from home. Even so, the dawn will break and we will welcome her with arms and hearts wide open. Her little life will light our world in ways we could not have anticipated. She will be our good and perfect gift from the Father of Lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

Lord, give me a steady heart. One that has known your faithfulness and remembers your goodness. You are my steady, unwavering, never changing, Father of Lights. You illuminate my path, always leading me on, ever closer, to my one true and steady home, You, Lord Jesus.

I Will Sing: After All These Years

September 13, 2016 by Heather Mitchell Leave a Comment

“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭28:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Lord, you never let me go. You go before me. You are always with me. I know I can only see you through the lens of my own human limitations. Yet, I know that you are limitless, more than I can fathom this side of Heaven. Give me eyes to truly see and a heart that fully understands that you are my God (my child’s, husband’s, friend’s God). The One True God who reaches far beyond human reason and is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine.

You have not promised that this life will be easy, there will be troubles yet you have promised something far greater. This temporal world is not my home yet in you I AM HOME. You are with me, you take me by the hand, you lead me into a land of green and gold.

STILL Waiting

August 21, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 3 Comments

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”” Psalm‬ ‭46:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Remaining still while waiting is not passive, it is active. It takes a tremendous amount of restraint to be still in a culture that is moving at warp speed. Always in motion, busy, productive, consumed with instant results and gratification. The lie that our worth is found in what we do and not in who we are is repeated everywhere we turn.

Believing in the Gospel is counter intuitive. We have to continually swim upriver against the path of least resistance. Our worth is not found in “doing” but in becoming more like Christ. The power of His Resurrection working in and through us. Active, alive and moving. Restoring and healing the whole of our broken and battered lives.

[Read more…] about STILL Waiting

Wait Unknown

June 21, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 1 Comment

“In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭5:3‬

I reluctantly write this because I want to be able to bring the good news of a referral. That the long awaited day has finally come and we are now matched with our daughter. Unfortunately this is not the case and to be honest my heart aches. It has been more than 17 months and we continue to wait.

I would like to say that I am at peace in the waiting and sometimes I am. Mostly it is hard and it hurts. I have a mix of emotions. Joy wells up inside of me when I think about first meeting and getting to know our daughter. Yet I feel sad and I am grieving as I begin to process all that I will have missed out on in her life. The pain that she will have experienced and all that I could not protect her from. The many layers of brokenness that come with adoption.

You might ask, would we have chosen international adoption if we knew beforehand how hard and long the wait would be?

YES. A thousand times YES.

Our daughter is in Bulgaria and our hearts will not rest nor our ladybug prayers cease until she is home.

Despite the twists and turns of my emotions, there is an unexplainable hope and unstoppable love within me that continues to prevail. I know that God will strengthen and equip us for all that lies ahead.

Though our daughter remains unknown to us and is on the other side of this great big world, our love for her grows stronger each day. She is relentlessly loved and fully known by God. He is ever present, always near. He is redeeming and restoring her.

In this unknown waiting, I sense His constant presence. He is near and I am clinging to Him. He continues to comfort, replenish and reassure me.

He is ever present and always good.
He is moving in mighty ways in our home, in my own heart and on the behalf of our little ladybug in Bulgaria.

With the unexplainable hope and unstoppable love that only comes from Him, I cling and I wait.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.””

‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:21-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬