“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10 NIV
Each afternoon I lay next to my youngest son until he falls asleep for his nap. It is a sweet and precious time and one that I am cherishing more with my last baby. He just turned four in November and he is not so much a baby anymore. He is rapidly growing into a confident little man.
One afternoon recently as we cuddled, we had a very serious four year old initiated conversation.
We talked about how God made people, Adam and Eve and the “bad apple” and how they were kicked out of Eden. We talked about how Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again and we talked about Heaven.
Then he went on and this part had to be the wisest and purist thought. He looked at me with his big round serious puppy dog eyes and said,
“Mommy, someday God will take away all the badness, and the sadness, and the madness, and the sickness and all the tears. Me don’t like the tears. Mommy, me don’t like the sadness.”
At that moment I felt a deep sadness for him, for each of my children. For the broken world that they will grow up in. For all the many ways they will experience loss, pain and grief. For the loss of innocence that will slowly yet surely slip away. As a feisty mama hen, I want to protect my little chicks. I want to hold them close and shield them from the harsh realities of our world.
Even so, I know that this is not for me to do. God loves my children infinitely more than I can fathom. He is caring for and protecting them better than I could ever do.
Through our adoption journey, I am learning more about letting go when the weight of waiting becomes too heavy. Trusting God in the uncertain and unknown. The lines between beauty and brokenness, joy and sorrow, blurred. At times this path can seem overwhelming and even impossible.
Adoption is born from a place of brokenness. Our daughter will come to us with deep wounds and fresh grief. We will be mere strangers to her. She will have layers of loss and pain that we as her family and I as her mother will need to grieve for and support her through. It will not be an easy road and her trust and love for us will be gradual. This again will be a time of waiting.
Under all the layers of grief and loss and over time, I am confident that God will reveal layer upon layer of beauty. By His power and in His time, He will restore and heal her. He will interweave her story into the fabric of ours. We as a family, will emerge changed yet stronger and more beautiful. We will belong to one another. This is the miracle of adoption. This is God’s heart, His handiwork.
He takes each of us as we are. We are each tattered and broken to some degree yet He love us regardless. In Him, we are made new and beautiful and He calls us His own. Even so, in this life we will have troubles. We will each experience illness and loss. Healing and restoration may never fully come, this side of Heaven.
I wrestle with the tension of how I can live in the balance of sorrow and joy. Beholding beauty in the brokenness of this life. The answer is simple yet I can make it more complex. The balance I seek is found in Jesus. He holds me in this tension and in Him I am given all I need.
From the outpouring of all that I have been given, I am called to reflect Jesus to my children and to those He places in my path. I am to be a light into the darkness. I will strive to remain present, seeking God’s presence and beauty, even in the messy and broken.
I will share the many ways God has and continues to reveal His faithfulness in my life. To be open and honest with my own failures and brokenness and how God has shown me His unending grace.
Not only by my words but by my actions and even when my efforts fall short, I am called to be a teacher of His love and His forgiveness. I am called to care for the least of these with grace and dignity.
My hope and peace stem from the knowledge that there WILL come a day, when our God will heal ALL the sickness, destroy ALL the badness and madness and wipe away EVERY tear of sadness.
Until then, I will not turn from the ugly nor the broken even when it hurts and I am afraid. I will reach out of my comfort and live into a place of courage. Embracing the brokenness and sorrow, for this is where Jesus is.
This is where His hope arises. Where His love, beauty, peace, and comfort are magnified. This is where healing and wholeness begin. This is where we lose ourselves and find a life of rich abundance and eternal treasures.
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.”
Psalm 27:4-5 NIV
[Photo credit: KR]