It has been almost thirteen years now since a small seed was planted. After years of taking root, burrowing deep and spreading wide, my heart has cracked wide open. God’s love has seeped in and I am powerless to ignore the constant ache and undercurrent that can no longer remain buried nor contained.
It all started with one short visit to an orphanage in Ukraine. I brought shiny stickers to share and I witnessed pure joy from something so small. I held hands and little arms entangled my waist and legs. We spoke different languages although their eyes told me much more than I wanted to know. They proudly lead me to the cold, bare and hard spaces where they played and slept. We danced, jumped and laughed. Their bright smiles yet desperate, hungry eyes are forever imprinted in my memory. The ache I felt when saying goodbye, their small arms wildly reaching and waving, I can not shake. I did not want to leave. When we drove away and I could not stop crying.
My oldest son told me recently, “Mommy, you can turn those tears on so fast.” He is right, I am a softy and I can cry on a dime. Even so, I can keep my heart guarded and fear can be the gate keeper. In thinking about adoption this is what I had done. In being afraid, the memory of all that I felt that day remained distant and untouchable. All the obstacles clouding my perspective and my true heart’s desire. It was always a “maybe someday” or “God’s going to have to make it really clear.”
Then it happened, an off the cuff comment to my husband turned into a “are we really on the same page”, heartfelt discussion about adopting. From that moment on, at every turn, God continued to affirm our desire. My heart breaking new and my eyes fully awakened to the injustice and oppression I once witnessed across the ocean, in a small village orphanage many years ago.
The seed that was planted has taken root, it burrows deep, grows strong and spreads wide across this great big world. It searches far and wide for one precious child. Before time began God predestined this child to be our very own. Conceived and growing deep into the very fiber of our hearts. This love has no beginning nor end and can no longer be contained. It crosses vast oceans and continents and will not cease its search or find rest until there is a homecoming.
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18 NIV
Love, will bring you home.
The moment you let love into your heart, your heart starts breaking. The only way to stop your heart from breaking is to stop your heart from loving. You always get to choose: either a hard heart or a broken heart. A broken heart is always the abundant heart — all those many beautiful pieces only evidence of an abundant life.” -Ann Voskamp
Please continue to lift our family up in prayer. That our hearts will remain open and sensitive as God prepares the way. For wisdom, patience and peace in the waiting. That we will continually surrender it all to God’s perfect plan and timing. We ask for prayer specifically for the child that God has already planned for our family. On their behalf, pray for their safety and protection, their health, healing and comfort until they are home. Thank you for all your support and encouraging words. It is water to the soul.
In love and grace,