“O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me.”
Psalms 131:1-2 NASB
A few nights ago, I awoke from a dream so sweet that it’s memory lingers like a piece of rich chocolate savored. Too soon dissolving yet the essence remains long after. In my dream, it was a normal day in our home, busy, energized, chaotic at times. In the whirl-wind of family life, I stopped and looked down, at my feet stood a small girl with dark hair and big dark eyes looking up at me. I thought to myself, “This must seem so crazy for her”. I then, reached down and scooped her up into my arms. Holding her close, she nestled in, quiet and content.
This dream brought me hope and my heart is grateful for the gift. It also caused me to pause and consider my posture with God when life becomes overwhelming and out of control.
Do I hold on to a false sense of control? Do I grow distant and restless, resisting his love and care for me? Do I fully trust him when life does not make sense, in ALL circumstances? Can I hold on to hope even when the waiting continues?
Or, do I nestle in? Do I rest and abide in His tender care and generous love? Do I trust that He is working in mighty ways in my life and in the lives of those I love? Do I release my grip on control, knowing He is in complete control?
The latter is not an easy posture for me although I know it is where I will find the peace and rest that my soul craves.
In the open-ended waiting, the deep longing for our daughter and in the chaos of my everyday, I am choosing to look up. He is there waiting. He knows my heart. He understands. He scoops me up and holds me close. I nestle in, quiet and content.