Thoughts of our daughter course through my day.
Often waking me in the night.
Is she safe, sad, alone, afraid, cold, hungry.
I wonder how old she is, who is caring for her, where she is living.
Grieving over all that I am missing.
All the gaps in her life I will never be able to fill.
The lost time that I can not retrieve.
The questions that will go unanswered.
Her first smile, first wobbly steps, first word.
I grieve, I cry out to Him.
In a still, sure voice, He reassures me.
“I see her.”
Her Creator.
Knitting her together in the darkness of her mother’s womb.
Breathing life into her lungs, setting the cadence of her heart.
Her Life Witness.
Filling her gaps when all else is lacking.
Loving her, delighting in all her “firsts”.
Still I question. I am afraid. My faith wavering.
In the same sure voice, I hear Him.
“I see you.”
Your Creator.
Your Life Witness.
Filling the gaps where you are lacking.
Lighting the darkness where your fear runs to first.
Not one detail of your life hidden from my view.
Fully exposed yet completely loved, delighted in.
It is the darkest before first light.
He comforts through the blackest night.
Glory rising, shining bright.
I see Him.
Awakening to His mercy.
Time standing still.
I see her.
Wonderstruck at first sight.
Arms open, stretching wide.
Love revealed.
Heart unfurling.
She sees me.
She draws near.
Gathering her, holding tight.
Gaps narrowing.
Dawn’s first light.
Witnessing, delighting in the “first” of many.
Our Creator, knitting together every detail.
If I say “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:11-16 NIV
[Photo credit: Dave Shafer]
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Beautifully written Heather. I especially love the final verse you wrote out… All the days ordained for me were written in the book before one of them came to be. I’m sure that this waiting time is going to be/and is agonizing when wondering how this little one is each day… But I’m so thankful that you find your hope in The Lord, and I’m thankful that this verse describes how God is in the details of all of our lives. And someday you will be able to introduce her to this God who created her and loves her more deeply than anyone else!
I’m going to commit to start praying for protection for this little one during this waiting time… And for a peace (that only can come from The Lord) for you and Robert as you wait patiently for her “home coming”.
Love you guys!
Michelle
Michelle,
Thank you for your words of encouragement. It means so much to us to have your support and prayers in this waiting process. I am encouraged to press on and continue to trust God with every detail. He is doing great things! To Him be the glory!