Wait Unknown

“In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭5:3‬

I reluctantly write this because I want to be able to bring the good news of a referral. That the long awaited day has finally come and we are now matched with our daughter. Unfortunately this is not the case and to be honest my heart aches. It has been more than 17 months and we continue to wait.

I would like to say that I am at peace in the waiting and sometimes I am. Mostly it is hard and it hurts. I have a mix of emotions. Joy wells up inside of me when I think about first meeting and getting to know our daughter. Yet I feel sad and I am grieving as I begin to process all that I will have missed out on in her life. The pain that she will have experienced and all that I could not protect her from. The many layers of brokenness that come with adoption.

You might ask, would we have chosen international adoption if we knew beforehand how hard and long the wait would be?

YES. A thousand times YES.

Our daughter is in Bulgaria and our hearts will not rest nor our ladybug prayers cease until she is home.

Despite the twists and turns of my emotions, there is an unexplainable hope and unstoppable love within me that continues to prevail. I know that God will strengthen and equip us for all that lies ahead.

Though our daughter remains unknown to us and is on the other side of this great big world, our love for her grows stronger each day. She is relentlessly loved and fully known by God. He is ever present, always near. He is redeeming and restoring her.

In this unknown waiting, I sense His constant presence. He is near and I am clinging to Him. He continues to comfort, replenish and reassure me.

He is ever present and always good.
He is moving in mighty ways in our home, in my own heart and on the behalf of our little ladybug in Bulgaria.

With the unexplainable hope and unstoppable love that only comes from Him, I cling and I wait.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.””

‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:21-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬